Let’s talk about self love, shall we?
Last week I recorded the 108 sun salutations practice. As I prepared to record, I knew it was going to be a sweaty practice, and that I would be most comfortable in a sports bra and leggings (no shirt). That’s how I practice if I know I’m going to sweat. It’s how I feel most comfortable.
But not if others are going to be watching me.
I agonized over what to wear for the filming of this video and ultimately decided to go with what would feel most comfortable so that I wouldn’t need to bother with adjusting a sweaty shirt while filming.
I chose high-waisted leggings that would effectively “cover up my fat”, and a sports bra that wouldn’t dig in too much and create too much visible back fat. These are literally the things I considered as I prepared to film.
I felt so self-conscious recording that video. And as I watched it back to edit it, I caught myself thinking things like, “ugh look at that belly fat”, “I look gross”, “my arms are so fat”, “who’s going to want to watch this?”
Horrible, hateful things that I would never think to say to someone I love. And here I was, saying them to myself, which is CRAZY!
A few days later, I was clearing out old photos and came across some yoga photos from about a year ago. I thought to myself “look how much thinner I look; I need to get back to that.” And then I remembered that at the time that I took that photo, I was feeling pretty down about my body. I wasn’t happy with where I was then.
It’s never-ending. Never good enough. The truth is, I’ve never been happy with my body.
I’ve judged it. I’ve hated on it. I’ve starved it. My body. This incredible vessel that’s allowed me to experience so much. What the fuck?!
I’m very quick to hate on my belly fat, but rarely stop to love on my strong core, which keeps my spine healthy and safe, and keeps me enjoying the things I love, like yoga, dancing, and hiking.
I’m very quick to call my arms flabby and fat but rarely do I give them love for having the strength to hold me in chaturanga, or to help me execute a pull-up.
I’m very quick to call my thigh cellulite gross or to hate how my ass looks in some pants, but rarely do I appreciate the power that I can wield with these thighs and these glutes.
The reality is that my body is strong. It is able. It does so freaking much for me. And I’m constantly putting it down. What would you do if you were in a relationship like that? Where you give and give, and your partner constantly puts you down? I would hope that you’d get the fuck out.
I’ve treated my body with disrespect and disregard, and it continues to show up for me. Every. Single. Day.
It’s time I showed up for my body. It’s time I stood by it, regardless of what it looks like. Because it stands by me, regardless of how I act towards it. This body is healthy and strong and deserves love.
It’s going to take time for my dialogue with myself to evolve; it won’t happen overnight and I know that. But I’m making a commitment today. To show my body love – with my thoughts, my words, and my actions. The same kind of love and compassion that I show the people I care about
So self love. That’s what I’m practicing, and I invite you to do the same in this self love practice.
Know that you are beautiful. You are worthy. And you deserve love.